Little Boy Blue (this also counts as "This week in Emailing" because it's an email from Craig)

I had no idea what I was going to write about this week.  I started three different blog ideas but was getting nowhere and getting pretty impatient with Craig who I hadn't heard from in six days.  Then this morning I woke up to the following email and not only did he give me the fix I'd been needing he also fixed my problem.

Craig with his friend Lyda.  Aren't his eyes so blue?

A little bit of back story.  Craig has the most amazing blue eyes, like lazer-beams.  I first called him Blue-Lazer, then Blue now it's Little Boy Blue.  He hates them all and I think that's what I like best about them.

Craig sent me the following email in an attempt it get me to think of another.  I'm considering it.

Miss you bunches batgirl. and you really gotta get over this lazer blue thing. really, its beneath you. youre an actress, comedianne, writer...creativity is your whole life. You can come up with somethin better than a poorman's excuse for an American Gladiator's moniker. I understand your stubborn streak and natural sense of defiance. I like that part of you so much. You ain't some bimbo who does what she's told. But c'mon, take a step back from it and you'll realize that no one is called that because it doesn't demean the person who's title it is...it demeans the person who came up with said title. And that simply put makes it the Anti-Nickname.

Nickname rules: 

1. must be either a derision of an obvious physical trait or a subtle inside joke that only close friends are aware of.

2. must have a funny story to back up proposed nickname.

3. must be accepted by friends and/or relatives (subject/victim has little say in choosing but a good nickname is something he/she embraces).

4. shortenings of given and surnames are accepted, but are a worst case scenario (this also includes adding the suffix -y to given names). these are to be used sparingly and only in circumstances where embarrassing examples cannot be applied. see appx. 1.

5. true nicknames are predominately for men. as most women haven't the thick skin and emotional security that comes from years of torture, torment and lets face it, a complete lack of sophistication and intelligence.

6. the final and most important rule: Nicknames ARE NOT the same as Petnames.

Appendix 1: Petnames

The differences between a nickname and petname can be categorized in specific and general terms. In general, the difference is simply between intimate relations (i.e. committed sexual relationships: men/women, women/women, men/men, men/goats, catherine the great/horses, etc.). But that is an unsophisticated baseline categorization. The more subtle tale between Nick and Petnames are as follows: Petnames are usually thought of by girls to separate themselves and their partner from everyone else thereby enhancing the reality or illusion of intimacy (you ever hear a man called pookie or snookums  by their bar buddies? exception includes a 5 minute to 5 day rant by said friends when they hear a given Petname in public, usually on accident - Note: always the girls fault!). A Petname is an approved form of teasing towards women by their significant other. If you were to call a girlfriend or wife 'fatass', say goodbye to your testicles. however, a tactically placed Petname (usually either a half-truth, irony, or satire of a complete falsehood) can be an acceptable way of poking fun at said significant other (i.e. calling your skinny girlfriend 'fluffy', 'plumpy', 'tons of fun') - Note: be warned, not every woman has a sense of humor about herself and her natural insecurities. A Petname is obviously concocted when the relationship has solidified. Any Petname created before this point is null and void, and also a little creepy (or such name could become a candidate for Nickname status, but it must be voted on by a panel of close friends of the same gender as the namee). Finally, a Petname tends to have a minimum of 50/50 percent for the cute to teasing ratio; whereas a Nickname usually has 0/100 percent for the cute/teasing ratio. In conclusion, Nicknames are for public use by guys, and Petnames are for private use by couples.

So where does Lazer Blue (what does the other B stand for anyway?) stand? Decidedly too nice, too obvious and common a physical trait referenced, and too lame for a Nickname. Ergo, it MUST be a Petname. But not a very good one at that. 

Now would probably be a good time to tell you i hate Petnames. But as they go, this one doesnt make me want to vomit. Its just annoying in the wrong way. I think you can do better.

So thats my tirade for the month. hope you enjoy it. and youre more than welcome to sample it for your blog. it isnt book related, but hell, who are we kidding? that blog has as much to do with literature as military has to do with intelligence!

miss ya batgirl (can i comment on how cool it is that I gave you a nickname - it qualifies, even though your friends dont use it - and you like/tolerate it! ive never known a girl that cool, until you.)

until our next email,

Shy...Chuck...Copper...or is it Deadguy?

PS. i really dont care what you call me. i just felt like teasing you and giving you a hard time...for shits and giggles.

Isn't he adorable?

Introducing a new segment here at AGBC. I call it "This week in Emailing"

Here is where I sift through the emails of the week and find my favorite quote from among Craig's correspondence (and maybe some runners-up as well if the pool is really awesome.)  So without further ado
"THIS WEEK IN EMAILING" (for 09/13/10 - 09/19/10)

Grand Prize goes to a description of a care-package recently received from me.

"i did get you package. it was very sweet. everything in it was terribly useful and perfect. although if you send a scented letter next time remember that i live with a bunch of stank ass dudes...it was too much awesome! i literally pull it out every so often and waft it once about three feet from my face and the room smells like you for at least 2 hours." 

I like this one for a number of reasons.  #1 is the use of the term "stank-ass dudes".  He does have a flair for verbal fuckery.
Also, I particularly enjoy his attempt at chastising me byway of paying me a compliment.  He does this in verbal conversation too.  He'll dance a bone-headed circle around a point until I'm not quite sure what it is he wants, if anything at all.
Furthermore, I like that he takes the letter in question out periodically.  Maybe he'll take it out long enough to read it one of these days.
Please note there is one thing that does bother me.  He's stopped capitalizing altogether.  Should I be concerned?  I know the shift key is all the way over at the side of the keyboard but his pinkies seemed large enough to make the trip when last I saw them.  Could they have strunk?

Thank you to all entrants into this weeks contest.  Honorable mention goes to: "could use your help in locating 2 flicks."  For use of the word "Flicks".

GOOD THINGS

Lately I've been finding myself dwelling on what sucks about this. What I don't have and what I wish I had. Lately the only time I've felt good about Craig being gone is when I don't think about it. But the truth is that it isn't all bad. If it was I wouldn't be writing a blog. I'd be dating some some British Bass player. But I'm not because this person, with all his faults, makes me hope for the best and makes "wait and see" seem reasonable. So, for this blog, I thought I'd take a little time to point out the good stuff. If only to pull myself out of the dumps, which are lame and also for suckers.

Good thing number one. There is something very Edwardian about being in love with a man in far off places. It has been long know about me that I am ever so slightly obsessed with the British Naval Tradition. It has most recently been illustrated in my reading of eight or so Patrick O'Brien books and watching Master and Commander like...I don't know...I'm guessing, approximately...one-million times. It's fascinating!! And anyone who doesn't think so is probably sane and not a dork like me. Anyway, the couples that lived within this world were separated for long periods of time. The distance creates a resonance between them. The way a violin string can be stretched and stretched and as it gets pulled it becomes sweeter and at times, sadder. Sometimes making an aching sound full longing and sometimes one of joy.

Good thing number two. When communication is very limited that limitation makes it valuable. When facebook can tell me what half my friends are eating for lunch a real email from someone who has half and hour of internet access at a time is special. In an age when communication is so instant I still get to have moments of anticipation. Having to wait can be very romantic. And there is nothing quite like a love letter. Now it's not like we're using carrier pigeons or, god forbid, snail mail but even the little bit of waiting is excruciatingly wonderful. And I get gems like this;

"i hope writing helps you as much as it does me. i'm becoming slightly more self aware. i now have surpassed the self-awareness of a sea sponge! look at me, I'm evolving!"

and

" i just have to cowboy the fuck up and sort out my own shit." (PS I have no idea where he got this phrase. He grew up in LA. The closest he's ever been to "cowboy-ing the fuck up" is a horseback ride through Griffith Park.)

Good thing number three. My life is all my own. No answering to nobody. (Except my mother.) It's like I don't have to be lonely a'cause I have a boyfriend and we've got that achy voiliny thing going on. But I also have total autonomy. It's like the best of both worlds. (and also the shit parts of both worlds but we're not talking about that right now.)

Good thing number four. My patriotic duty is totally done. My apathy-guilt factor is knocked down like 25%.

Plus, I'm here, not there. I get to wake up everyday in my own bed and live my boring, but safe, life. I get to sit and traffic in my good-old car and reach over to my passenger seat and remember holding his hand in that self-same car. I get to watch my brother get married and see my family. I get go to bed every night knowing I'm in no danger.

In the end I do get to be in love with a wonderful person who happens to be on the other side of the planet. My life is pretty great.