There are good days and there are bad days. It's life right? Some days I don't even think about it and some days I burst into tears driving in my car. What sucks is that you can never really predict what a will trigger either and that makes everyday a dice-roll. My alarm went off early this morning and dragged me out of a beautiful dream. I can't remember what happened. All I remember was that Craig was there and we were together. Like in the same country. In the dream I felt great but waking up was a little heartbreak. I got over it with a little help from my morning coffee and jumped on facebook and someone posted this.
(The music is ridiculous but I spent 10 minutes weeping nonetheless.)
I also watched "The Messenger". I know. I'm a moron.
I seems so crazy that anyone can make this sort of thing work. It's so painful, how do you get to the other end. Everyday your thoughts about the whole thing change. Two weeks ago I was fine. Focusing on my life and just getting things done. Today, I don't feel like getting out of bed.
The thing that is getting to me today is the total lack of assurance. There are no guarantees here. There is nothing saying that he'll come back the same as when he left. Or that he'll come back at all. Or that I'll be the same or feel the same. All I can do is get up and hope for the best. Today that feels like an exercise in futility, but it's not like I have any other options.
I don't know how I'm going to do this.
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