The seemingly endless suck! PS This one's a downer.

I'm in a very odd relationship.  And while this is not a relationship blog, it is as much about relationships as anything else.  I have nothing to relate this to in any past experience.  Day to day I try to glase it over.  I try to make it sound like no big deal.  I even do it to you, dear reader.  Trying to relate this thing to normal things in life. But it's not normal.  Sometimes having Craig gone just feels like a series of complaints.  The truth of the matter is;

THIS SUCKS, IN STERIO, THIS SUCKS!

I got a big reminder of it yesterday.  I was having a rough day and I was feeling pretty down in the dumps.  I confronted a fear that had been upsetting me for several months.  I sent Craig an email telling about my day and how difficult it felt and blah, blah, blah.  I got it all out and in a way that felt good.  He emailed me back and was very sweet and supportive and said some things I wanted to hear, some things I didn't.  It balanced out to be "all the right things".  He really couldn't have said it better in person but it still felt insufficient.  It's in these moments that I realize how blank this thing really is.  Because, while email is great and phones are available and I hear from him fars more than any of my fore-mothers in war gone by ever did, there is still an emptiness in all this that can't be filled.  Because it's moments like this where words or even actions aren't enough or maybe they're too much.  I realized as I was falling a sleep very depressed that I didn't need anyone to say anything.  I didn't need anyone to do anything.  I just needed someone to be there.  To have someone else's energy there with me to keep me from floating away.  That is when my ability to see the silver-lining ended.

This is a real downer.  Sorry about that.  He'll be here in 3 weeks so there is every reason to believe that he'll be able to revive my ability to hope.

   

Little Boy Blue (this also counts as "This week in Emailing" because it's an email from Craig)

I had no idea what I was going to write about this week.  I started three different blog ideas but was getting nowhere and getting pretty impatient with Craig who I hadn't heard from in six days.  Then this morning I woke up to the following email and not only did he give me the fix I'd been needing he also fixed my problem.

Craig with his friend Lyda.  Aren't his eyes so blue?

A little bit of back story.  Craig has the most amazing blue eyes, like lazer-beams.  I first called him Blue-Lazer, then Blue now it's Little Boy Blue.  He hates them all and I think that's what I like best about them.

Craig sent me the following email in an attempt it get me to think of another.  I'm considering it.

Miss you bunches batgirl. and you really gotta get over this lazer blue thing. really, its beneath you. youre an actress, comedianne, writer...creativity is your whole life. You can come up with somethin better than a poorman's excuse for an American Gladiator's moniker. I understand your stubborn streak and natural sense of defiance. I like that part of you so much. You ain't some bimbo who does what she's told. But c'mon, take a step back from it and you'll realize that no one is called that because it doesn't demean the person who's title it is...it demeans the person who came up with said title. And that simply put makes it the Anti-Nickname.

Nickname rules: 

1. must be either a derision of an obvious physical trait or a subtle inside joke that only close friends are aware of.

2. must have a funny story to back up proposed nickname.

3. must be accepted by friends and/or relatives (subject/victim has little say in choosing but a good nickname is something he/she embraces).

4. shortenings of given and surnames are accepted, but are a worst case scenario (this also includes adding the suffix -y to given names). these are to be used sparingly and only in circumstances where embarrassing examples cannot be applied. see appx. 1.

5. true nicknames are predominately for men. as most women haven't the thick skin and emotional security that comes from years of torture, torment and lets face it, a complete lack of sophistication and intelligence.

6. the final and most important rule: Nicknames ARE NOT the same as Petnames.

Appendix 1: Petnames

The differences between a nickname and petname can be categorized in specific and general terms. In general, the difference is simply between intimate relations (i.e. committed sexual relationships: men/women, women/women, men/men, men/goats, catherine the great/horses, etc.). But that is an unsophisticated baseline categorization. The more subtle tale between Nick and Petnames are as follows: Petnames are usually thought of by girls to separate themselves and their partner from everyone else thereby enhancing the reality or illusion of intimacy (you ever hear a man called pookie or snookums  by their bar buddies? exception includes a 5 minute to 5 day rant by said friends when they hear a given Petname in public, usually on accident - Note: always the girls fault!). A Petname is an approved form of teasing towards women by their significant other. If you were to call a girlfriend or wife 'fatass', say goodbye to your testicles. however, a tactically placed Petname (usually either a half-truth, irony, or satire of a complete falsehood) can be an acceptable way of poking fun at said significant other (i.e. calling your skinny girlfriend 'fluffy', 'plumpy', 'tons of fun') - Note: be warned, not every woman has a sense of humor about herself and her natural insecurities. A Petname is obviously concocted when the relationship has solidified. Any Petname created before this point is null and void, and also a little creepy (or such name could become a candidate for Nickname status, but it must be voted on by a panel of close friends of the same gender as the namee). Finally, a Petname tends to have a minimum of 50/50 percent for the cute to teasing ratio; whereas a Nickname usually has 0/100 percent for the cute/teasing ratio. In conclusion, Nicknames are for public use by guys, and Petnames are for private use by couples.

So where does Lazer Blue (what does the other B stand for anyway?) stand? Decidedly too nice, too obvious and common a physical trait referenced, and too lame for a Nickname. Ergo, it MUST be a Petname. But not a very good one at that. 

Now would probably be a good time to tell you i hate Petnames. But as they go, this one doesnt make me want to vomit. Its just annoying in the wrong way. I think you can do better.

So thats my tirade for the month. hope you enjoy it. and youre more than welcome to sample it for your blog. it isnt book related, but hell, who are we kidding? that blog has as much to do with literature as military has to do with intelligence!

miss ya batgirl (can i comment on how cool it is that I gave you a nickname - it qualifies, even though your friends dont use it - and you like/tolerate it! ive never known a girl that cool, until you.)

until our next email,

Shy...Chuck...Copper...or is it Deadguy?

PS. i really dont care what you call me. i just felt like teasing you and giving you a hard time...for shits and giggles.

Isn't he adorable?

Introducing a new segment here at AGBC. I call it "This week in Emailing"

Here is where I sift through the emails of the week and find my favorite quote from among Craig's correspondence (and maybe some runners-up as well if the pool is really awesome.)  So without further ado
"THIS WEEK IN EMAILING" (for 09/13/10 - 09/19/10)

Grand Prize goes to a description of a care-package recently received from me.

"i did get you package. it was very sweet. everything in it was terribly useful and perfect. although if you send a scented letter next time remember that i live with a bunch of stank ass dudes...it was too much awesome! i literally pull it out every so often and waft it once about three feet from my face and the room smells like you for at least 2 hours." 

I like this one for a number of reasons.  #1 is the use of the term "stank-ass dudes".  He does have a flair for verbal fuckery.
Also, I particularly enjoy his attempt at chastising me byway of paying me a compliment.  He does this in verbal conversation too.  He'll dance a bone-headed circle around a point until I'm not quite sure what it is he wants, if anything at all.
Furthermore, I like that he takes the letter in question out periodically.  Maybe he'll take it out long enough to read it one of these days.
Please note there is one thing that does bother me.  He's stopped capitalizing altogether.  Should I be concerned?  I know the shift key is all the way over at the side of the keyboard but his pinkies seemed large enough to make the trip when last I saw them.  Could they have strunk?

Thank you to all entrants into this weeks contest.  Honorable mention goes to: "could use your help in locating 2 flicks."  For use of the word "Flicks".

"So your blog and (it's) dozens of readers are relying on my response and what I can recall from a book I read in 10 hours two and a half months ago?...hmmm" -Craig

This was promised ages ago and I am only now getting to it.  I apologize but promise no amends.  It is what it is.

Not really sure how to format this blog entry.  I would like to include both Craig's and my points of view. (Wow that sentence seems fraught with peril.  If I have any English majors in the house feel free to jump on that one.)  I guess I'm gonna go with the 'no rhyme or reason, just jumping in' approach.

So here are some semi-random quotes from the reviews that Craig and I wrote:

"I didn't finish to book.  I got bored as heck with it." -Julie

"Moore took a good idea and made it mundane." -Craig

"I think Moore should stick to what he's good at and write original stories and leave the re-working of great literature to people that have more aptitude for it." -Julie

"(He got)...me to laugh more than a few times...so I guess I'll let him live to write again. As for Stephanie Meyer, she's gotta go!" -Craig

"I do admire Moore's gift for inventive curse words: Fuckstockings? Nice." -Craig

"I was hoping for 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead' and I got 'O' starring Josh Hartnett" -Julie

"I did see King Lear performed once. in the little theatre at CSUN...IT SUCKED OUT LOUD!...could actually hear some of the audience snoring...The worst part was finding something nice to say to the actors at the afterparty. The good news was that the drunker I got, the easier and more pleasant the lying became." -Craig

"While drinking does help the lies go down easy it cannot replace decades of blowing smoke up the asses of an endless number of actors.  You don't know lies until you have to stroke the ego of your boyfriend for several hours every night of a shows run, just so he'll let you go to sleep.  Oh that magic I spin when sleepy and dating that most delicate of creatures, the narcissistic actor." -Julie

"While the book wasn't that great it did do one thing for me.  I watched Sir. Ian do his Lear with the Royal Shakespeare Co on Netflix.  And that is something I probably would not have thought to do had I not read this book.  Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian.  ACTION.  "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is.  To have a thankless child!"  CUT.  Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian.  Pretty Great." -Julie

Neither of us really liked to book all that much.  Which is great.  At least I know we think alike.  What's best about it was not really reading the book.  It was just nice to have a set thing to talk about.  It's been a hard few weeks.  It's been hard to find common ground.  It's been hard not to feel bogged down in the day to day.  He's been worked pretty hard.  He's a very strong man with a pretty high tolerance for duty and responsibility but he starting to feel the weight of it.  I'm a pretty strong girl but there is a certain amount of isolation in this brand of place-holding.  I think we both got a certain amount of pleasure in politely disliking something together.

Things I didn't know I'd miss.

Craig and I are still going back and forth about the book but I promise part 2 of "So, maybe it is a book club.  A little." very soon.  In the meantime hear is a little ditty I like to call things I didn't know I'd miss.  Enjoy.

When you know someone is leaving for a deployment you expect a lot of things and you try to prepare yourself.  I read a lot of things from army wives and girlfriends and it's everything you expect it to be.  It helps but it's all pretty much the same.   The same advice passed from one person to the next and with each person it becomes more general.  All you have to do is find someone who's writing style fits your personality and it will make great sense.  

It feels very much a product of the army.  The army takes all these men and women from different parts of the country, with different backgrounds, who all joined for  different reasons and have different expectations and they make them the same as possible because that is how they work best in a war.  That is how they fight best, united in everything.  That's what it feels like happens in army wives (I refer to Wives and Girlfriends but I recognize Husbands too).  You're surrounded by this world of uniformity, you're not OF it you are IN it and IT starts to rub off on you. The reality is that there are things that are true for almost everyone and advice that will help almost everyone and I am grateful to have these resources.  

    That said, here are some things that I never realized and was never told I'd miss.  In no particular order:  

   

Holding hands.  It was never my thing but now I don't have his big mitt to clumsily crush my fingers I find that my hands feel empty.  

Snoring.  He says he doesn't but he totally does.  

Toothpaste.  He uses this Orangey-peppermint crap that tastes like cough medicine.  

Terrible movies.  Craig watches everything and inevitably by the time we would go to the movies together the only thing he hadn't seen was something awful.  

Oppressive snuggling.  He likes to sleep close and he runs so hot.  It's like being mauled by a space-heater.  

Radio wars 2009; KCRW v. JACKFM.  My car, my station!!!    

Foot rubs.  Oddly my friends have no interest in touching my feet. (I know I said no particular order but if there were an order this would be first and most important.  OM gwad!!  I miss it.)

 This Face.

Who knew that Craig's cranky "No more pictures" face would be something to wish for?

     Someone to take the book off my chest when I've fallen asleep reading.  I thought it was the book fairy but it turns out it was Craig all along.

Someone to do the dishes for.  Living alone, the temptation to just let them sit there is too great.  That's actually true for cleaning my apartment in general.

Trying to keep up running with him.  If you had told me during one of our trail runs that I would actually miss trying to keep up with him I would told you that you were crazy.  But it was nice to have someone fitter than me pushing me to work harder. 

Refrigerator Roulette.  Will the pudding still be there when I get back?  You never know.

    All those things and a million other stupid things that only a boyfriend will do.  Maybe my next blog should be things I don't miss because now I feel sad.  Hey that's something I don't miss--feeling sad.