Little Boy Blue (this also counts as "This week in Emailing" because it's an email from Craig)

I had no idea what I was going to write about this week.  I started three different blog ideas but was getting nowhere and getting pretty impatient with Craig who I hadn't heard from in six days.  Then this morning I woke up to the following email and not only did he give me the fix I'd been needing he also fixed my problem.

Craig with his friend Lyda.  Aren't his eyes so blue?

A little bit of back story.  Craig has the most amazing blue eyes, like lazer-beams.  I first called him Blue-Lazer, then Blue now it's Little Boy Blue.  He hates them all and I think that's what I like best about them.

Craig sent me the following email in an attempt it get me to think of another.  I'm considering it.

Miss you bunches batgirl. and you really gotta get over this lazer blue thing. really, its beneath you. youre an actress, comedianne, writer...creativity is your whole life. You can come up with somethin better than a poorman's excuse for an American Gladiator's moniker. I understand your stubborn streak and natural sense of defiance. I like that part of you so much. You ain't some bimbo who does what she's told. But c'mon, take a step back from it and you'll realize that no one is called that because it doesn't demean the person who's title it is...it demeans the person who came up with said title. And that simply put makes it the Anti-Nickname.

Nickname rules: 

1. must be either a derision of an obvious physical trait or a subtle inside joke that only close friends are aware of.

2. must have a funny story to back up proposed nickname.

3. must be accepted by friends and/or relatives (subject/victim has little say in choosing but a good nickname is something he/she embraces).

4. shortenings of given and surnames are accepted, but are a worst case scenario (this also includes adding the suffix -y to given names). these are to be used sparingly and only in circumstances where embarrassing examples cannot be applied. see appx. 1.

5. true nicknames are predominately for men. as most women haven't the thick skin and emotional security that comes from years of torture, torment and lets face it, a complete lack of sophistication and intelligence.

6. the final and most important rule: Nicknames ARE NOT the same as Petnames.

Appendix 1: Petnames

The differences between a nickname and petname can be categorized in specific and general terms. In general, the difference is simply between intimate relations (i.e. committed sexual relationships: men/women, women/women, men/men, men/goats, catherine the great/horses, etc.). But that is an unsophisticated baseline categorization. The more subtle tale between Nick and Petnames are as follows: Petnames are usually thought of by girls to separate themselves and their partner from everyone else thereby enhancing the reality or illusion of intimacy (you ever hear a man called pookie or snookums  by their bar buddies? exception includes a 5 minute to 5 day rant by said friends when they hear a given Petname in public, usually on accident - Note: always the girls fault!). A Petname is an approved form of teasing towards women by their significant other. If you were to call a girlfriend or wife 'fatass', say goodbye to your testicles. however, a tactically placed Petname (usually either a half-truth, irony, or satire of a complete falsehood) can be an acceptable way of poking fun at said significant other (i.e. calling your skinny girlfriend 'fluffy', 'plumpy', 'tons of fun') - Note: be warned, not every woman has a sense of humor about herself and her natural insecurities. A Petname is obviously concocted when the relationship has solidified. Any Petname created before this point is null and void, and also a little creepy (or such name could become a candidate for Nickname status, but it must be voted on by a panel of close friends of the same gender as the namee). Finally, a Petname tends to have a minimum of 50/50 percent for the cute to teasing ratio; whereas a Nickname usually has 0/100 percent for the cute/teasing ratio. In conclusion, Nicknames are for public use by guys, and Petnames are for private use by couples.

So where does Lazer Blue (what does the other B stand for anyway?) stand? Decidedly too nice, too obvious and common a physical trait referenced, and too lame for a Nickname. Ergo, it MUST be a Petname. But not a very good one at that. 

Now would probably be a good time to tell you i hate Petnames. But as they go, this one doesnt make me want to vomit. Its just annoying in the wrong way. I think you can do better.

So thats my tirade for the month. hope you enjoy it. and youre more than welcome to sample it for your blog. it isnt book related, but hell, who are we kidding? that blog has as much to do with literature as military has to do with intelligence!

miss ya batgirl (can i comment on how cool it is that I gave you a nickname - it qualifies, even though your friends dont use it - and you like/tolerate it! ive never known a girl that cool, until you.)

until our next email,

Shy...Chuck...Copper...or is it Deadguy?

PS. i really dont care what you call me. i just felt like teasing you and giving you a hard time...for shits and giggles.

Isn't he adorable?