They also serve who only stand and wait.

Had an interesting discussion with one of my regular guests at work.  It was all about the military and deployment so I thought I would share it with all of you.  

First a little background.  Mr. D (I'm going to call him that because there's no reason to use his real name) is a middle-aged man with whom I have many good conversations.  He works upstairs from the restaurant and comes down for drinks several times a week.  When he was a young man he was set to be drafted into the Vietnam war but as luck would bless him, his number never came up.  

As most of my regular customers know Craig will be here very soon.  I pretty much tell everyone everyday, how many days are left until I'll see him.  Eight, by the way.  I was talking to him and another man and Mr D said something that seemed to stick to me.  He said that he thought the mid-tour leave seemed like torture.  He thought that it must be traumatic for these men/women to come home and get a taste of normal only to be sent back.  I quickly disagreed with him.  I said that the real torture is the thought that the end would be so far into the horizon.  At least, with it broken up like this, it feels more manageable.  Especially for those that have done this multiple times.  He told me that in Vietnam the men would be sent for the whole year.  He thought that that was more humane.  He said that if it were him he'd rather it that way.  But the men in Vietnam weren't volunteers and when they were done with there tour they were done, period.  And they didn't have men on their third, fourth, fifth tours.  There is just a huge difference between then and now.  

I guess I just see it too much from my perspective.  And that makes me think that maybe the mid-tour leave isn't for them.  Maybe it's really for us.  The wives and girlfriends and mothers and dads and everyone else that isn't made for all of this.  Craig is strong.  Stronger than I even understand.  I'm sure that if the army told him that he would be gone for a year without leave he could do it without thinking twice.  But I don't think that I could.  I don't think I could make it until next March if I didn't know he'd be here in eight days.  Because it's not just the separation, it's all the ideas that are the only thing you have to hold on to.  Aside from the separation there is SO MUCH FEAR.  Sometimes it feels like being told that some I love has a deadly disease.  There's nothing I can do but hope and support and try to find the silver lining.  But I know that no matter how much I hope there is always the chance that I'll get a call one day telling me that it's all over.  That he didn't make it.  It makes me feel so completely powerless.  I know that no matter how bad it is for me he's the one that's in danger and I am safe at home writing about it.  But I still envy his ability to take action and steer his fate.  If he didn't come back I would be crushed.  My life would be changed and there is NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. 

There I go thinking too much again.  Eight days.  It's so close.  I really am happy and excited.